kat, unedited

Today, we celebrate my girl’s birthday. It’s 5:30am and I have butterflies in my stomach. I can’t go back to sleep. I’ve been working sooooo hard for this party and I can’t wait to have everybody here!

One whole year ago, she happened to me. Logan was a week and a half early, surprising both me and Joe and even our doula. I remember all of it like it was just days ago; the onset of contractions, the swaying of my hips, the pacing, the exhilarating pain, and the thought that very soon, my daughter will be in my arms. I was ready to birth her and felt confident and strong. I remember it all.

I have photos from her birth that I looked through last night after I put her to bed. I sat in the rocking chair in her room and looked through my birth book, recounting each push that brought her into this world. I lingered on each page, each photo, and remembered the morning she was born. I read my birth story and remembered. I didn’t want to leave her room because I kept thinking, when I come back in here in the morning, she will be a year old, and I don’t know if I’m ready. I had a moment, and lots of tears. I don’t know why. Why was I crying? I wasn’t sad. I think it’s just that this whole year has gone by so fast. I am nostalgic. But oh so very thankful that this past year Logan has been healthy and happy and just the best thing to happen to our lives.

So, to my Logan,

Happy first birthday, my love. You are my whole world. I love you the entire universe over. Forever and ever.

Mama